ROAD TRIP TO REALITY

Just got home from a fantastic road trip!  It was sort of a detour in my life...a turning point, so to speak.  I saw some beautiful places in this great country of ours.  I traveled 1360 miles in about 10 days. 

I think this is a good time to mention that it is Memorial Day.  I would not have been able to do this if it were not for the courageous men and women who fought, many sacrificing their lives, for this country and our freedoms.  We cannot take those freedoms for granted.

I'll keep this short, but will share some photos of some of the beautiful scenery I was fortunate enough to see.

I hiked in beautiful Zion National Park (Utah) and saw the solar eclipse (photo was not so good so I'm sparing you), which won't happen again there for another 12 years...

I also hiked and experienced the amazing beauty and the unique "hoodoos" of Bryce Canyon National Park (also in Utah)...

And to top it all off, I got to finally see the first Natural Wonder of the World...the awe-inspiring Grand Canyon (Arizona).  Photos do NOT do it justice.  It's not just a big hole in the ground...

I finished my trip with a visit to see my father.  I needed a good strong dose of Dad.  He won't let me waste time feeling sorry for myself or being pathetic, and he tells it like it is.  It was what I needed.  I spent a few days with him and his wonderful wife before heading home. 

There is a great big beautiful world out there just waiting to be seen.  I intend to see as much as I can...with or without a man by my side.   What a great trip!

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YA...

I made it to St. George, Utah super fast!  I left at 7AM and I got here by 12:30 or so.  Very light traffic - couldn't have been any easier.  Checked into my room, layed out by the pool for a while, and now I need to get some food and take a nap.  I'm beat - emotionally and physically.  Yep - I'll harp on this situation a bit - I have absolutely NO understanding of what happened.  None.  I wish I could have gotten some closure but I suppose he got his and that's all that matters...to him.  

So, I guess I must be getting stronger - this jacked up "non-ending" to a 4+ year relationship hasn't killed me.  It just broke my heart. 

BEST FRIENDS

One thing, well I guess two things, I will really miss about this relationship...

these dogs. 

Buddy Dumbass and Sophie.

Two beautiful Golden Retrievers

 (although we think one has an awful lot of Irish Setter in her). 

Silly, loving, full of energy.  Check out these faces.  Sweetest things ever!  

So happy I have these pictures and the memories of them.

Yes...I will miss them very much. 

That's Buddy at the top and Sophie on the bottom.  

GUESSWORK & GAMES

I seriously hate when people say "vacay" (random thought) - but I'm not much in the mood to really care right now.  I'm going on one.  A solo vacay. 

Dipshit hasn't called at all.  Not even to say adios.  I did receive a short email with a brief update on his dad.  I sent a follow up email (remember...I'm a 'tard) and got no response.  Shocker.  His dad could be dead for all I know.  I mean, I hope not.  But the surgery was serious and I guess there were complications but I'm dealing with someone who has horrendous communication skills.  I should say I "was" dealing with him.  I just can't do it anymore.  The little snippets of hope he tosses out there are no longer big enough for even me to latch on to.  Yes, of course I hope his dad is recovering and doing well.  Yes, I get that is important.  Yes, I get it. 

I have most of my vacation planned out.  Rooms are reserved.  Even some tours are booked - and I don't even really like tours all that much.  But it's something to do that will keep me from sitting in a hotel room, hundreds of miles from home, and being more pathetic than I'm being now.  If that's even possible. 

I may be a very sensitive person (Mom says I always have been).  And I may be very emotional (hard for me to hide how I'm feeling).  I don't fall in love easily, but when I do I usually fall hard.  But I am NOT a weak person.  I am not dishonest.  And I try not to hurt those I care about.  And if I think something is worth fighting for, I will fight to the end.  I also (eventually) realize when I'm fighting a losing battle.  I may end up with the battle scars while my "foe" may be unscathed.  That's okay.  I know I was honest and true to myself and to them, and I won't apologize for that.  I also would not leave someone I care about in a painful limbo situation.  I believe very much in resolving issues and moving forward - even if it's painful for one or both parties.  Dragging it out is far more painful.  And why?  What's the point of avoiding it?  Really?  Deal with it and move on for Christ's sake!  I've been given nothing to really deal with but more assumptions.  Fuck assumptions.  I'm done with the guesswork and games.  Time for me to take the reins and steer my life in a more positive direction.  Away from Dipshit.

I am not weak.  I will survive.  

WHAT WAS THE POINT?

So I get an email from him on Friday morning saying he's en route and will be in the area around noonish on Saturday and will call me sometime over the weekend. 

Okay, here we go again. 

He doesn't know how long he'll be down here - his dad's post-op rehab (the purpose for the visit) may be difficult so he may be here a while.  He hopes I'm doing well and then he signs it how we always signed our emails to each other..."Me."

The email is, per usual, vague and non-committal.  No answers, no resolution, no comment regarding the "vacation" or if we are even together.  In other words, I still have no idea what the hell is going on!  None.

Oh, and it's now Monday afternoon and I've gotten no phone call.  Shocking.

And so I ask you...what the hell was the point?         

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

It's Mother's Day.  My son recently moved to Austin, Texas with his girlfriend.  I miss them both.  Today will be a good day to reflect on this job called 'motherhood,' and to thank my son for providing me with another place to visit in the near future!

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there and to all you dads who were both mom and dad to your kids!

A DUST BUNNY'S PAL

Was doing some cleaning today.  You know...laundry, dusting, vacuuming.  Listening to '80s music and singing along.  I pulled some things out from under my bed that I had stored under there, always trying to make the best use of what little space I have.  Anyway, as I was retrieving "stuff" and dusting it off, I was reminded of when my brothers and sister and I were kids and we would try to find places to hide and then scare the bejeesus out of each other.  One of the great hiding spaces was under my parents' bed.  Oh lord...if I only knew then what I know now I would NEVER have crawled under anyone's bed.  NEVER!!!  For starters, I wouldn't fit under a bed now.  But that, and dust bunnies aside, have you seen a magnified photo of a dust mite?