Major emotional set back this weekend. But guess what? Oh, yeah...you're way ahead of me. I started my fucking period! I started getting weirdly emotional on Thursday. Couldn't figure out why. I'd actually been holding up pretty well. YES - I still miss the hell outta him. Geez...it's only been a few weeks since his last email (the no-show let down one). And, recall if you will, that I'm still holding on AND I'm a 'tard. But still...I was actually really looking forward to seeing him. I love him, okay? Give me a break! Was hoping maybe something would be cleared up. Like maybe he'd have an epiphany and realize he loved me too. Bahahahaaa! But I digress...
Anyway, Thursday, I ended up going to Happy Hour with a good friend of mine. She's very understanding...also a Leo. We compare notes. And we laugh. So the night went by quickly and I was doing okay. Went home and got a decent night's sleep.
Friday fucking sucked! Anger at no response/resolution started kicking in. Big time! Confusion surrounded me. Who to turn to? Well, the person responsible for the pain and confusion, of course. More emails and voicemails. Now, I'm sure he doesn't listen to them or read them. But still...I should not be sending them. He doesn't care. I have no control. Seriously! It's like I'm helpess.
So, my period actually started on Saturday. Wonderful. There's been no stopping the emotional rollercoaster since then. Wheeeeee...what a fun ride. There's also been no stopping the voicemails or emails either. God knows he will never answer his phone if he sees it's my number, meaning I will continue to call. I leave ultra-pathetic messages and then I listen to them and then I erase them and start all over. I do that about 7 times until I think it sounds just right. Then I hit the dreaded send button. And then I kick myself because I remember something really clever. So I call back and do it again. And then I kick myself for even doing it at all in the first place! 'Tard.
Guess he's mad at a voicemail I may have left a couple of weeks back. When I may have raised my voice. And may have used a tone. May have yelled into the phone something along the lines of, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!!?!?" Oh well, he'll get over it! He's a grown man. And he's dealing with a grown woman. These things happen. His overblown ego can't deal with that though. I can hear him in his King Phillip voice..."Who does she think she is speaking to me that way? Unacceptable, indeed."
So, I'm currently deciding if I really do need therapy or if I just need to let this cycle pass? And if I let this cycle pass and I go all batshit psycho again in about 28 days? Yep, therapy.
The thing is, I totally know he has no interest. But the mere fact that he won't provide me with closure is enough to send me over the edge. It's just enough to make me hold out hope. Who doesn't see the simple answer there is to PROVIDE RESOLUTION!!! Seriously, he acts like a fucking 15 year old boy by NOT providing a simple answer, and then I act like a 15 year old girl and get all stupid. Really? I need meds.
Someday I'll tell you about all the red flags. You'll laugh at just how amazingly fucking stupid I really am.
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