Well, your house was re-listed for rent yesterday. Yes, I checked. No rental income for April, May, June, July, and possibly August, depending on how quickly it rents. That's a loss of somewhere between $15,000.00 - $20,000.00. With the potential for that to go higher if you don't get renters in there fast. The agonizing wait begins.
You had to pay an attorney to get the grifters out. You have a property manager to pay. You have a listing agent to pay. You've had to pay for repairs to your home. You still have to pay your mortage on that house and your rent in Jackson Hole. You have a storage unit with all your belongings in it out in Banning that you have to pay for or risk losing your things. You have property taxes to pay. Not to mention your daily living expenses and two dogs to feed.
You said you depleted your savings prior to moving to Jackson Hole.
Your timeshare payment is coming due.
You have a business with slow paying clients. If they are even paying at all. You have materials to buy in order to get the jobs done. You have to pay the folks you contracted to do the work. You have to pay your quarterly taxes. You can't meet these obligations if you have no income from your clients. It's probably not the best time, in this crappy economy, to drum up new clients.
You have two large dogs that can't stay at home and take care of themselves, so you have to travel to and from Jackson Hole via your automobile to check on things down here (home, family, business). That can get expensive, factoring in gas, food and lodging for each trip. And it's wear and tear on the car, which already has its share of miles on it.
Your father recently had a heart attack followed by heart valve surgery that nearly took his life. You've had to spend time down here in California staying at your mom's during that difficult period. That didn't help anything. She was, in your words, a nightmare. But at least now you have a better understanding of why.
Your girlfriend has been a raging lunatic brought on by lack of communication from you. She inundated you with voicemails and emails while she was overcome with confusion and heartache and no real understanding of your avoidance of her. She hit every emotion imaginable, from sadness to anger to compassion to sheer panic. All the highs and lows and everything in between. It has taken her nearly two months to be able to step outside of her own grief and figure out, on her own, the dire straits you are probably really in. Because you never communicated to her what was happening or what you needed, even if it was space.
The damage is done. And still I hope it's not too late. While suspecting that it is.
I hope someday you can understand that I was unaware of the possible devastating effects this has all had on you. You did not confide in me the severity of your situation. A short, vague email which did not convey much information at all was what I received. How was I supposed to understand? How was I supposed to provide you with support? I'm guessing that at this point you are in the struggle of your lifetime trying to stay afloat financially. And that is where your focus has been, is now, and will be for a while. Survival.
I am sorry that you are going through all of this. I would never wish this on anyone. It's a lot to handle each of these issues individually, and overwhelming, to say the least, to get hit with all of them at one time. It would be enough to drive even the strongest of individuals to a breaking point. You admittedly, historically, can handle only one issue at a time. No wonder you have not wanted to deal with a relationship. I do understand that, even though I'm still guessing at this situation, for the most part, as you've still not spoken with me. And even though I would have done anything in the world to help you through it all.
I realize that you probably can't just move back in to your beautiful home at this point either, even if you wanted to. You have no steady income from which to pay your mortgage and other financial obligations. You need that rental income now to provide you with the income necessary to keep your head above water until somehow things turn around.
Maybe you'll stay up there forever. Maybe you'll rent or buy a place in the desert. Maybe someday you'll come back. I have no idea. I'm still dealing with your lack of communication. I'm dealing with my grief at the loss of "us." And I'm trying so hard to understand it all.
Again, I am sorry you are going through this. But I didn't cause your dire straits. I contributed, perhaps, to your level of frustration by my relentless hounding of you while I was trying desperately to find some understanding, answer, resolution, closure...anything, really, to what was happening to us. Maybe someday you will be able to step outside of your troubles and see that I was not your enemy. I just wanted to understand.
Communication is key. It's critical. With one single, simple phone call, I could have been your greatest support system and the least of your problems.
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