ROACH MOTEL

Oh mother of God!  I found what I believe to be one of these baby German Cockroaches on my bathroom counter about 11 minutes ago.  I say "believe" because I moved to smash it with a quickness reserved only for the immediate annihilation of these hated bugs that I can't swear that's what it was, and I wasn't wearing my glasses either.  I can only guess with some small amount of accuracy that it was one of these horrid creatures.  I am not afraid of too many things, but I am terrified, to the point of paralyzing paranoia, of cockroaches!  I have even learned, somehow, to deal with the occasional spider.  But spiders generally don't run in packs so I know if I find one, and dispose of it, there isn't likely to be another lurking nearby.  Baby cockroaches, on the other hand, are not sole wanderers.  Where there is one, there are bound to be hundreds more.  And where there are babies, there are moms and dads!!  Holy crap!  I will not sleep easily tonight.  Or for many nights to come.  I've already unloaded nearly a full can of Raid! in my tiny bathroom.  I've checked everywhere, but am unable to find an opening (or, thankfully, any more roaches).  I've sprayed enough bug spray to kill a Capuchin monkey, but I would be less afraid of that!  And I really do not like monkeys!!  Especially ones that wear clothes.  My jaw might drop in wonder, but I would not get the "screaming terrors" either.

Now I know - I did hear my neighbors (of the white-trash tattooed variety) correctly the other evening when there were a few outbursts of, "Shit!  A cockroach!!! "  And, "Fuck!  There's another one!!"  I was truly hoping they were just seriously high and perhaps hallucinating. 

I've lived here for over four years now and I've seen a silverfish here and there.  No, I don't like those either.  They're prehistoric grossness in a silver powdery fish-shaped package - but I'm not afraid of them.  I don't get the shakes when I see one.  And I don't worry that they'll overtake my small apartment.  And I don't resort to turning on a light in a darkened room and doing a full visual sweep before proceeding into it with great caution.  But I have never seen a cockroach here.  NEVER!!!    

For now, I'll close the door to that little room and pray I see no more when I open it, with great care, in the morning.  I also hope that I was wrong and this was some lone traveler of another species completely and thoroughly unrelated to the dreadful cockroach.  And maybe the only roaches around here are those being smoked by the neighbors.  Oh God...I can only hope.

Next call, should I spy another, is to the landlord...he loves to hear from me.

Photo courtesy of 'epestsupply.com'